you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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