evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
FUCK WHALES
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
