Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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