So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
