it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
