I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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