I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
