I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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