He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
