Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
