after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
