Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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