Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just found puke in my bra..
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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