6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
