That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
