I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We named our party play list daddy issues
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
