Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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