Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
farters have to be the big spoon...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
