All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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