Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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