I heard we made out
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
