what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
