Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
