i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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