We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
