I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
