Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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