we're chasing vodka with high fives
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
