We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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