i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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