I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
