Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
