i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
