This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
