It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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