Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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