saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
