my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
