i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
