hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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