i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
