I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
