Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
