apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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