You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
