her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
