Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
