i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He literally asked permission to hit on me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
