Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
