So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
