y did u give ur computer a hand job?
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
