why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The best revenge is premature balding
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
