you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
