normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
